cat got your tongue?

A lot of times I feel it's got mine. Although I appreciate the value of living in Spain and being to practice with native speakers a lot of times it isn't all hunky dory. A lot of times it can be really frustrating. After spending so much time and money on an education to become a well-spoken individual, it can be truly grating to not be able to express myself. When I first started my job I was so terrified to make one mistake while speaking to someone in Spanish or telling them I don't understand for fear of sounding stupid. I hate sounding stupid when I know that I am perfectly capable of speaking eloquently. After being here for a year and a half, I worry much less about the mistakes I make because I know I am learning. I also know I have come a looooooooooong way from when I first set foot in Sevilla in 2007. But that doesn't mean the nerves have gone away. Many times when I am on the metro I imagine entire conversations in my head in Spanish. Sometimes its a normal conversation other times I imagine what I would say if I got mad. In my head it sounds like perfect, witty, intelligent Castillian Spanish. Then when I actually say it to someone, it comes out like word vomit. Like seriously everytime. Lovely right? Attempting to express myself when I get mad is even worse. When I get frustrated everything I say in Spanish just comes off sounding rediculous or the words just won't come out of my mouth. I usually just start cursing in English under my breath. I that know learning a language is a life long process that always seems to be throwing you a curve ball, but sometimes I just want to get there already. Alas I know that won't happen so a por ello!